You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
