So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
