Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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