You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
