I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
