you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
