Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
