So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
