OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
