He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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