Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
