how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
