He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
