I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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