i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Randomize
