it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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