I wannas sexs uuuuu
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize