should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
