Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
