Porn is love you can see.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
