I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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