The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
