Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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