I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
