i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
