He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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