there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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