Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
