I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
