i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
