I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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