i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
