Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have demons in me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
