Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
