A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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