Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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