I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
