yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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