i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
