I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
