Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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