Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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(312): View more from Illinois

You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would be honored to be that friend.

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(661): View more from California

aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

(623): View more from Arizona

And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

(661): View more from California

Exactly.

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(585): View more from New York

I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

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(905): View more from Ontario

ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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(208): View more from Idaho

Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world

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(303): View more from Colorado

Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Yes!

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