So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
