i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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