i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
