Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize