Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
