She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
