you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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