So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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