TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
