she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize