He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
