Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
