did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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