At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
