you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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