How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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