White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
