Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
