She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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