I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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