someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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