he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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