Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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