sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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