I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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