No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
