i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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