I just threw up on my dentist
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
