OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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