I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
