I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
