My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
