Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize