i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
