just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
