You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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