Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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