I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
