I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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