when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
