Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize