Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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