Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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