Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
