I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
