We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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