would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize