the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone shit on the floor
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
