It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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