your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
