I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MIDGETS
????
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
