I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
